Fifty-First Dragon

The story Fifty-First Dragon was great. Many lessons can be learned from it and I was very surprised to learn of Gawaine’s reaction to his realization of the magic word. It seems that anyone who would learn that what they accomplished was because of their own doing instead of a magic word that their confidence would boost. Poor Gawaine however did not find any more confidence in himself after learning the truth.  It was actually the ruin of his career and life. In some ways, I can relate to Gawaine sad little story.

I had one experience not too long ago that ruined all my chances of furthering myself in the work I was doing. It was door to door sales and if you have any experience doing it, then you know how hard it can be, especially when you are first starting out. Anyway, I had gone through a six week class preparing myself to knock on doors and sell cable door to door. Over the course of those six weeks I had gotten pumped to get out and make some money. I was so bored with the classes and ready to hit the pavement by the end of it.

As the first day rolled around I felt as if there was nothing that could stop me from making a boat load of cash and so I began. I pulled up to my first neighborhood and discovered that it was a retirement community. I did not let that stop me or get me worried. It was actually a great thing because people were home during the day and afternoon and I soon had many contacts. My confidence continued to soar as spoke with person after person having positive experiences at each door. In two days I had sold a number of packages and I felt as if I were getting high from the sales. I had good success in my first week there and soon I was out of doors to knock in the area so I requested more “turf” as we called it.

When I arrived at my new area It was easy to see that I wasn’t in old folks country anymore. I was in a normal suburban housing section. At first, I did not let anything get in my way and I starting knocking on doors with the same confidence as the retirement community. Door after door went by and there were not many people home. My confidence seemed to wane but I told myself that I just needed to catch people when they were home so I pushed on. The amount of time spent knocking on empty doors though took its toll and soon thoughts of doubt began to creep into my mind. The biggest and most debilitating was the one telling me “you can only sell to old people.”

That thought had crippled me. Days went by and my enthusiasm deflated quicker than it took to build it up. I found it hard to even think about going to work and the hours and minutes before it started were met with foreboding and dread. I kept telling myself that the initial success was a fluke and that it wasn’t because of my skills but of only pure chance.

Looking back on that experience I will say that I was a fool to believe such nonsense. It was definitely a lesson for my learning though and the experience I gained from it has been a real confidence booster. I have also now been able to understand better the debilitating effects of self doubt. Never again will I want to emulate Gawaine for that is the way of cowardice.

My World

My world revolves around the life I have with my wife. I do not think I would like to know any other. It is true, that we have only been together for 2 years or so but it feels as if we have spent the better part of eternity as companions. I mean that in a good way. There are all sorts of wonderful things to say about her. The best compliment that I could give though would have to be attributed to her good natured heart.  There is no better feeling than that of coming home to a woman who never has anything bad to say about anything or anyone.  Her laugh is quite something as well. It has the tendency to stir up a warm mirth and a genuine in smile even when in the worst of moods. I can really never be upset for very long when in her presence and that fact alone is worth its weight in gold.

It’s very interesting to me that when I had seriously started thinking about the type of woman I wanted to marry that I found exactly who I wanted. Don’t get me wrong, I never planned everything out to a tee but when I felt a longing in me stir for companionship a few years ago, I thought very seriously about what I wanted. I am very glad that I did that because there is nothing that I asked for that I didn’t get.  She is the woman of my dreams and I do everything I can do make sure she is aware of that fact.

Just as I am writing this I have thought of another wonderful attribute that she exhibits. She has made life really easy because she seems to never expect too much. There has yet to be an argument or even a quarrel over anything and I will give her the credit for that because of her expectations and her wonderfully patient attitude. I can be stubborn some times, or most times, and I must say that she knows exactly how to handle me which is another great attribute to add to our list.

I have never written something like this before so I do apologize if it seems a bit scrambled. It’s a lesson to me to realize that sometimes we can take the good things in our life for granted. So much so that it can be difficult to put it into words that are coherent enough to be read and understood plainly. It is also something else to realize how often the small things are the most important things. For example, I get the warmest feeling in my heart when I hear the smallest words of praise from my wife. My mood is lifted and my mind is calmed. I feel that I can take on the world with her by my side and that no mountain is too difficult to climb whenever we are together.

There is a saying that I never really understood until I got married. It goes “behind every great man stand a greater woman.” Now I can see the truth to that. I do not believe that I could ever be half the man I am and am becoming without her. There is no end to the motivation that is provided by her company. To end this post I feel to just add the words of one my favorite artists who sings “she gives me presents with her presence alone.” There is nothing better than having the love a good woman to go home to everday.

How did your week go?

Let’s see, last week was the week of June 18 through the 24^th. My first response to the question of how my week went is usually a quick knee jerk reaction of just a few words like, “fine,” or “not too bad.” When someone asks me that question I never really care to elaborate or truly delve into my personal life with them because I don’t really see the point.  Nine times out of ten that person really doesn’t care to hear the answer because their question was just as automated as my response was.  It was a polite gesture made to come off as friendly as possible without putting in too much effort to actually get to know me.

There are times that the question is legitimate though. How does one tell if it is or isn’t you might ask? Well, in my experience it all depends on who the question is coming from and the tone of voice. If you have known the person for quite some then the chances of that question being sincere is significantly higher.  I would say that the chances go up for every month or two of actually knowing that person. Tone of voice plays the biggest role though. You can tell everything from the tone of voice. On paper, tone of voice means almost nothing so I won’t waste my time trying to describe how a sincere question sounds versus one that was spit out of the mouth for small talks sake. Everyone knows when someone is sincere and when someone isn’t. It’s an innate gift that we all have so all you need to do is look back on your own experiences and recognize the truth of what I am saying from your own perspective.

Now that I have that out of the way, I guess I can tell you how my week went. Monday morning I woke up at about 9:00 AM and immediately went to the kitchen to make a fresh banana smoothie.  I love banana smoothies.  I have one every day, sometimes two. After my smoothie I decided it was probably best to perform my daily ablutions which, was quite successful if you wanted to know because I finished smelling like a phoenix, or so my bottle of Axe tells me that that is how a phoenix smells. After that, I knew I didn’t have anything else to do until class at three but just as I thought about class I remembered that I needed to do a blog post so I could get credit for it being done on time. I started up my computer and then worked on my blog post for maybe a half hour or so…

You know, I just realized that even you do not want to hear a play by play of my week. Heck I’m bored just telling you about it myself. So, in order to save myself time and a lot of thinking because I didn’t keep a journal for last week, I think I’ll just finish this post with the highlights. I think that may have been the intention of the question anyway but I couldn’t tell because the question was written down. See, tone of voice is everything!

The rest of the week went along pretty smooth.  I started my first week of P90X and I also had an interview for a new position at my workplace that will allow me to change shifts from the graveyard to afternoons. That would be really nice if I got it but I’m just going to have to wait and see.

Thoreau Response

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover I had not lived. I do not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practice resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms, and, if it proved to be mean, why then get the whole and genuine meanness of it, and publish its meanness to the world; or if it were sublime, to know it by experience, and be able to give a true account of it in my next excursion.""Where I Lived and What I Live For" in Walden

This passage is somewhat hard to follow when reading it for the first time. It has actually required me to read it multiple times and to take my time so that I could really understand the meaning. I'm still not quite sure of the writers intention but what I can glean from the passage is that he is speaking of some sort of self-discovery experiment. He writes about his desire to "live deliberately" and how he "[does] not wish to live what was not life." With regards to these two quotes, I can infer that there is a deep desire for him to find out the true meaning life and also to find out how to live the most abundant life. The writer also seems to portray some doubt as to whether this experiment will work or not because he also mentions that if this experiment does not result in discovering a truly abundant life, but one of meanness, then he will "publish its meanness to the world."  So, there seems to be a desire to not only search for something greater, but to also find and publish to the world any findings no matter the course his trials take.

I have somewhat luke warm feelings toward this passage. There isn't much in it for me to grasp onto and relate except for the underlying desire that he shares to "live deliberately" in the beginning. I myself have that desire and I myself have a desire to simplify my life so as to leave out all of the things that are unnecessary. Other than that, it looks like he wants to take his little experiment to an extreme that I myself would be unwilling to go. Reading into some of his statements it looks like he wants to reduce himself to the lowest possible form and that is something that does not seem very appealing to me. Who would want to reduce their life to the lowest form? I personally do not know anybody that would, in fact, everyone I know is looking for something that they can add to their life to make it better and also to improve themselves in such a way as to grow to the highest possible form of life.  Which route sounds more appealing to you?

As for this applying to my life, I would have to say that it has some of the elements but lacks the greater reasons behind my will to live.  As stated earlier, his life experiment describes him breaking himself down to the lowest form whereas I am interested in building up my life to the highest possible form.  These are two opposites that contradict each other and cannot be combined so I would have to say that I will not be able to apply that way of thinking into my life.  I am also not looking for the meanness in life as he is.  I do not even subscribe to the idea that at the base of all life there is a genuine meanness that exists.  On the other hand, I belong to the idea that at the base of all life there is a genuine goodness that motivates all living creatures.  To put my idea into perspective, you simply have to observe a newborn child.  Is there any meanness in a being that is essentially stripped down to its lowest form?  There certainly isn’t any evidence that a newborn child exhibits any meanness in its nature at all.  So with this in mind I will have to disregard this man’s idea and focus on growing instead of debasing my faculties.

Why Music Matters

Music seems to always have been a part of my life.  Some of my fondest and not so fond memories have had some type of music attached to them.  Now I don't know if it was the music that made those moments so memorable or the fact the music greatly enhances recall, but what I do know, is that music has made a profound impact on my life and I have often looked back on it to discover why.

If I carefully review my life, I can see that the pattern and direction of it was influenced for good or bad by the music I was listening to.  In the days of my rebellious youth, I would fill my head with such nonsense as Tool, Sublime, Metallica, AC-DC, Red Hot Chili Peppers, and Jimi Hendrix.  I'm not saying that these artists are bad in any way but the nature of their messages is of a more rebellious attitude and that allowed me to relate and fuel my desire for riotous living.  On the other hand, as my life goals and attitude towards myself and others have changed, so has the music.  My interests now have taken on a much softer form and they include more harmonious and peaceful messages. Most of the time, I enjoy music that has no words or message at all now.  Just the feeling and inspiration of a well written piece is enough to stir my thoughts and feelings toward whatever I have in mind for myself.

Taking this into account, the outlook of my life has been greatly enhanced by the realization of this great truth.  It isn't so much that music controls your life, but it is a fact that the music we chose to subject ourselves to has a way of influencing our decisions.  This is why music matters.  It matters a great deal because of the power it holds.  The power of influence and suggestion is ultimately at the basis of any choice and when we form our decisions, we undoubtedly look to what we are familiar with.

As I look even deeper, I find that music not only has power to influence our actions, but it also reveals the inward desires of our hearts.  Like minds are attracted to each other and they will always be comforted by their company.  For example, one who is found worshiping their god at a certain church, mosque, or synagogue will not be found gathering at another place of worship unless he or she has changed their ideas and beliefs so as to conform to those who attend such places.  Everyone enjoys the company of someone with whom they can relate to and this includes music.  It isn't any wonder then why events such as concerts attract such a large crowd of like-minded individuals.  You can even discover that such events will always have people who are dressed alike and are even disposed to dance or express their reaction to the music in the same way.

These ideas to some may be laughable but I have never been able to find a more reasonable explanation as to why music matters.  Many times in my life this outlook has been shared with me, but for one reason or another, I didn't want to recognize the truth of it.  Now that I have awakened to truths of which I have presented, I have been much more careful with my listening choices.  I have been able to make an informed decision as to what artists will help me achieve the realization of my dreams, goals, and aspirations.  It may seem like a simple and unimportant thing, but this alone has helped and continues to help me shape the outcome of my life’s journey.  If there was any advice I would give to someone asking about their choice of music.  I would tell them to be careful concerning the messages found within them and to not follow after them because of a catchy tune or beat.